The safest way to do this is to tunnel through SSH. I do wish that I had time to detail the instructions for setting up an SSH tunnel for VNC, but there are a number of websites that will tell you how to do this. The key is knowing that ports 5900-5909 correspond to VNC session numbers 0 through 9. If you want to use session 1, you will need port 5901. In this case, just set up a tunnel on the client machine for port 5901, and then in VNC, connect to localhost:1 (or 127.0.0.1:1) and you should be all set.
 
If you're not familiar with SSH tunneling, you should read up on how it works. You're basically making the client machine think that the services that are available at the other end (through the SSH) are actually on the local machine. Those requests are forwarded by SSH to whichever machine on the other end you want them to be forwarded to. All of this is fully encrypted via whichever encryption you're using in SSH (AES is excellent), and while you'll take somewhat of a performance hit through an encrypted connection, it is far safer than having this kind of traffic passing unencrypted over the internet.
 
Good luck!

Ok, well, i can remote connect to another person...i need to get this up and running..the person is on SBC Yahoo! DSL and I set up a vnc server on her comp...it gave me two ips a 69 one and a 169 one(when you held the mouse of the icon)..the latter was what registered as her ip when i did winipcfg(the 169 one)...and when i tight the 169 ip into my remote desktop connection it immediatly says there is no vnc server at the location..when i do the 69 oen it just takes forever...soemone please leave me a read me or im me at matttah if you know hwo to get this working...
 
oh and...she is not on a huge network, it goes from the yahoo's dsl box staright into her comp. also about how the icon will display the two ips..why is it doing this..on mine it is only showing the local ips.
 
Daum